Keyes falls to -11 in polls

In an astonishing development that has pollsters here in Illinois scratching their heads, Republican Senate candidate Alan Keyes (R-MD) has fallen into negative territory in the polls, the first time in the history of scientific survey research that a number below zero has been recorded.

A recent Survey Illinois poll of likely voters had Democrat Barak Obama with a commanding 111% to -11% lead over Keyes.

"I know this result isn't logical," said a Survey Illinois spokesperson, "but neither is Alan Keyes' candidacy."

Keyes' numbers are expected to fall further after his strange debate performance last night that prompted one commentator to say that even a trained seal or dolphin could have done better last night than Keyes. Earlier in the week, a Republican mass mailing went out without Keyes' picture on it. One party insider, speaking on condition of anonymity, said that Keyes was present for the photo shoot but his likeness didn't appear on the film, prompting speculation that he actually is some sort of alien from outer space.

Attempts to find the person or persons on the Republican State Committee responsible for actually putting Keyes on the ticket continue to be futile.