News flash: Latest Swift Boat Vets ad claims Bush the real hero

Perhaps clearing up nagging questions surrounding George W. Bush's Vietnam-era service, the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth's latest barrage of ads claims that, far from being AWOL in the Alabama National Guard, the president was actually a special forces operative who piloted Navy swift boats up the Hong Na River on top-secret missions at the behest of his father, George H.W. Bush, who was then Director of the CIA.

"Over the years, many Americans have seen the movie, Apocalypse Now," intones the narrator. "In 1971, George W. Bush lived it."

The ad then features retired Admiral Roy Hoffman, saying:

"Nobody could believe their eyes. Here was this pimply faced kid who not only went to Yale, but had been a cheerleader at Yale. A male cheerleader. OK? And he was piloting that swift boat past nests of snipers, bullets snapping into the boat's hull, zig-zagging to avoid mines, and diving into the snake infested river to save several of his fellow soldiers, one of them a tall gangly fella with a humongous jaw who we thought was French. Some said he must have been drunk to have piloted that boat up the river into the heart of darkness that day. But I said then, and I'll say now, 'Cheerleader, my ass.'"